Tuesday, February 9, 2016

Unlearn the Selfish

Riley woke up at 3am Tuesday morning with a fever. Due to sporadic thermometer readings, I'm not sure of the exact intensity of the fever, but it was in the range of 100.3 and 101.2 degrees.

All of Tuesday she was lethargic and whimpered almost constantly. The only method of comfort that was effective was holding her feverish little body against my shoulder while I paced and softly sang her song to her.



She would not let me put her down, and she never got completely to sleep-she seemed very restless. Even at night, I ended up having to lay her against me in order to get her to relax at all. Every 15 minutes she would wake up crying and I would stroke her and talk gently to her to lull her back into her uneasy sleep.

Her fever broke on Thursday morning, and she was back to her cheerful self by Saturday.



Despite the fact that she really wasn't sick for that long, or even that sick, worries me a little. Because those few days were EXHAUSTING! I am very aware that if I had more kids, a more hectic schedule, or I was sick myself it would have been so much more difficult, and I am not sure how I would have gotten through these past few days!

This mom thing being a 24/7 job is starting to sink in. Awesome, yet terrifying :)

Anyway, what I really wanted to talk about was a thought I had on Saturday about all this. I was talking to Mimi as we were playing with little happy Riley, and she mentioned that Papa had sent her a text on Tuesday saying I had earned my angel wings because of my dedication to helping Riley feel better at my own expense. I noticed that as she said it, my mind immediately dismissed it, unwilling to take it as a compliment. I knew why too.
I responded easily to Mimi, "That is sweet of Papa to say, but really, any mom would have done the same thing."

And it is true. No mom, parent-or person in general!-would see a miserable baby and not rack their brain to find a cure, wouldn't take their time and energy doing what they could to ease their pain. It is a natural response, no matter the personal cost.

We talk quite a bit about wanting to become a better person by learning to be selfless. But honestly, in most cases, isn't the tug to help someone pretty instinctual if we see someone hurting? I think a better way to put it is we need to unlearn being selfish. The divine part of us will always have a drive to reach out to those in need, but how many times do we have a thought to reach out to someone or say something kind, and we stop ourselves? We may have had a bad experience when we have been kind, society has taught us that certain circumstances warrant certain tough love responses, or we fear making a situation worse. But if we want to be selfless, instead of learning how to do it, we just need to drop our cultural conditioning and do it.

That thought makes it feel like a much more 'obtainable' characteristic to me.

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