On Saturday afternoon, Chris and I were treated to dinner in return for Chris' website assistance. During this meal, the conversation turned to our passions. Chris had talked a fair amount about animation, and our friend had gone into detail about her many passions which fill her time. Naturally, eyes turned to me next to share what I am passionate about.
This has been a reoccurring prick in my conscience for some years now. I had thought about it here and there as I answered the constant questions as a youth of which school subject was my favorite, but the full scale problem probably emerged for the first time when I was in college and was urged to choose a major. I put it off as long as I could, but eventually a decision needs to be made in order to obtain a degree.
The problem is, I'm not sure I have a 'passion.' It all depends on how the word is defined, but when I think of someone being passionate about something, I think about someone who talks about a given subject whenever possible, something you have strong feelings for and giving priority to that activity/thing over many other endeavors. I have loved many things-ceramics, fencing, drumline, jiu jitsu, tennis, running, creating comics, writing goofy stories, listening, to name a few-but can I call that being passionate about these things? I am mediocre at these things at best, and they have come and gone in the pastimes of my life. I've hardly strived to excel in any of these areas, and I definitely wasn't unusually talented at any of them. They were just fun to learn. Hardly anything I would consider myself to be passionate about.
As I have thought about majors, then onto possible careers, and even hobbies, this idea of 'doing what you are passionate about' has continued to plague my mind. There are many jobs and subjects that interest me. But I have become increasingly aware that I haven't been able to 'narrow down' these options into something I could viably put my heart and soul into and title it with something as intense as the word 'passion' infers.
Despite being a sore spot for conversation, not 'having a passion' doesn't seem to be that bad. I feel very happy in my life. I love the church I belong to, the family I have and feel satisfaction and joy from my day to day life of being a mother.
So what is the deal about having a passion?
Is it worth pursuing?
Is my potential being undermined by not finding a passion?
Am I simply assigning an incorrect definition to something I already have?
I guess what also bothered me was that I knew this person taking us to lunch would never accept 'being a mom' as a passion. She would consider it something that takes up your time, which detracts from finding your own true desires.
But if truth be told, if I had to say I had any passion, it would be becoming a mother. It has been the one constant dream I have looked forward to my entire life. At one point in my life I wasn't sure if I would have a family of my own, and that has caused some of the deepest heartache. If anything has caused deep, intense feelings in my life, it has surrounded being a wife and a mother.
I don't know if everyone would accept that as an answer. But that is the best answer I have for myself right now.
I completely understand what you mean about passions! I've struggled with this same issue and don't yet have an answer to what I'm passionate about. However, I've decided I can't dwell on that and that instead I need to keep doing the things that make me happy. Maybe I'm passionate about being happy?!? :)
ReplyDeleteGlad I'm not the only one! And being happy is a perfect thing to be happy about-I like it! I may adopt your passion ;) It is just interesting how 'finding your passion' seems to be such a big thing in society today, and I wonder how many people feel like they have truly found their passion and are doing it...?
DeleteYou know, Ann-Mar, I think you figured it out. People do seem overly focused on finding themselves, but it's the Savior who said lose yourself to find eternal life. And that's what happiness is.
DeleteI have had the same problem! Or even when people ask what my hobbies are. There are times when I feel really into something, like editing or writing, but those feelings don't always last, and I usually say something like "hiking," when in reality the last time I hiked was...who knows how long ago.
ReplyDeleteAnd when I chose my major, it was more because I felt like I had to choose something so I could actually graduate, and English as a major was just one of the easier things for me to choose...without really having to choose (reading means you can learn about lots of different things still, right??).
And it is SO LAME that lots of people I talk to also don't accept "being a mom" or "establishing a home" as an acceptable first priority that I actually choose and like. I'm not just doing the "mom thing" because I got sick of working and decided to spend all my time at home instead. I WANTED to become a mother. I WANTED this baby, and I LOVE taking care of her and being with her and trying all I can to create the best environment for my husband, her, and me (and our future children). I'm interested in cooking because I want to feed my family healthy things—and a lot of my fun childhood memories surround eating baked goods at home, so I really need to know how to make cookies, OK? And the thing is, it's NOT a cop-out. It's not that I fell into this because I couldn't figure out anything else to do. I chose this because I wanted it first and foremost. I had to set other things aside to do this, but that doesn't make me bland. Maybe the fact that I set all those good things aside (or at least drastically diminished the amount of time and energy I can spend on them) for this best thing shows that I have some PASSION for family.
And let's not get started on how some poor blundering fools think that being a mom is for the lazy. It's hard. But. worth. it.
Ok. Rant over. For now.
(Wow, I think you struck a chord.)
Haha, Ray, can I just say amen and leave it at that? I love how you passionately defended your position, you passionate person you! ;)
DeleteI'm glad you feel this way. It is so fun watching you be a mom to lucky little Elizabeth, and a great wife to awesome Jon. And mostly I'm glad I have someone to turn to in order to rant about it ;) Love you Ray!